Hot Dog Fingers and Anal Fissures of the World Unite

I have to apologize to all of the obese Olympic hopefuls out there, this site is not a how-to guide for fat kids dreaming of Beijing in 2008. FAT KIDS CANNOT DO GYMNASTICS. Thats the whole fucking point. Instead we have to direct our energy elsewhere to a type of mental, linguistic, mathematical or console based gaming gymnastics. This however is a slippery slope. Because though most of us have highly tuned 10 lb muscles between our cranium or lightning fast hand eye coordination, our overbearing bodies drastically reduce our energy levels and can keep us from some of the greatest opportunities in life: the nintendo world cup, the xbox world tour, the kentucky hot-wing 2007 bowl, or even gathering the strength to venture out in the world to pick up a 1lb package of sweet of stank ganga, sit back, inhale and feel our blood pressure drop into oblivion and our appetite skyrocket. Cause honestly kids, the only way we are going to be able to sustain the size of morbid obesity that we have obtained is by drinking high caloric beverages (the much praised empty calories) and exerting only enough energy to burn off that latenight snickers mini that we keep by our bedside for mid-sleep cravings.
Seriously now, I know that the blog title is on the lengthy side but I am sure that you can manage to type out the long winded heading for enjoyments sake, that is if your pudgy little hot dog fingers can fit in between the tightly spaced keys. If you need assistance, you can refer to my sister website: www.digitaldexterityforthemetacarpallychalleneged.org. Or you can call them on a large buttoned childrens toy phone; (234)578-5689. If you still cannot find a way to reach me, then you must come to the self realization: No, the small Chinese factory workers are not trying to sabatoge my obesity by creating ever shrinking electronic devices ergonomically suited for their dwarfish body type, no, I am simply too fat. Conspiracy theories can function as justification for only so long my friend. Inevitably you will have to face the fact that "walking" in the future is not the same as being driven around on an over sized motorized wheelchair with extendo grippy arms.
Enough introductory material! This is plenty of information to send you down the path of self realization. However I will leave you with a question to ponder; Is it still only self realization if that same self occupies as much mass and volume as a small Chinese village? Stay tuned, the answer to your most pondered questions will be revealed to you in due time.

Hint: The answer has something to do with Descartes theory that all the "things" are primarily determined by their extension in space while all additional characteristics (i.e. color, shape, etc...) are derivative of the fact that they exist in extensio.