Friday, February 2, 2007

The Champion of Middle Earth


Sorry devoted readers for the brief hiatus from the world of blogging. I have recently been introduced to the world of lord of the rings computer gaming. As many of you might know, it is highly addictive to live vicariously through a character, with as much charisma and stamina as you have in real life, acted out on the battlefield. It is pleasantly surprising to see how I would fare against a battalion of goblins single handedly. The nicest feature about the game is that you can create the character that perfectly mirrors your anatomical physique. I am a captain of Gondor tall, muscular, with long flowing blonde hair, and wielding a double edged broad sword. As many of you have probably already guessed it is an identical look alike to me. Just compare to my picture on my blog. I must admit however, there is a slight difference, and that is the fact that my character can heal himself while I only have super-human healing powers with the aid of neosporin. You may be wondering why it looks as if I have stress marks, those are really tiger strips used in psychological warfare against my enemies. The rotund shape of my stomach is actually a storage mechanism for my warrior berserker rage. When I go into rage mode the energy disperses through the rest of my body and I gain a +6 to my strength attribute. That is in real life of course and the +6 is just a rough estimate.
Now the real question is how to transfer this newly gained strategic knowledge of medieval warfare to the real life battlefield of the streets. I am already in the process of melding my chainmail armor and folding my broadsword. I think I will transfer the name of my lord of the rings character to my super hero alter ego. Many of you who I have crushed in mutliplayer game play will know me as Lord Vorgoth the champion of middle earth. I will, however, simply be named Lord Vorgoth. I will stock those who stock the innocent in the night. The citizens of Toronto will be safe once again (once I get my armor together). Those silly criminals, everyone knows that bullets cant pierce +6 magical full body armor (I am going to have it blessed by the priest at the church down the street), but my long sword will certainly pierce their uncovered craniums. HAHAHAHA! Evil, Beware of Lord Vorgoth!